I want to be happy. Where do I start?

A friend recently confided that she doesn’t feel as happy as she’d like to be in her life. She hasn’t been feeling at her best and wants to be happier. Her question to me was simple, “Where do I start?”.

I told her, “You’ve already started! The first step is the awareness that you are not as happy as you’d like to be.”

This blog is for my friend and for everyone who is feeling the same way. And I know that she isn’t alone.

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The blame game

One of the most practical lessons I’ve learned on my journey to happiness is the role of blame. When I stop blaming and take responsibility, the road to inner peace becomes much more smooth.

I had an “aha” moment the first time I watched this Brené Brown short video on Blame. I recognized the feeling of immediately looking for someone to blame when something doesn’t go my way. And like Brené’s example in the video, the blame for those little things, like spilling coffee or forgetting to take out the garbage, often falls on my husband. The more research and practice I’ve done with mindfulness, I realize that there are many ways blame manifests in daily life. We might find ourselves blaming colleagues or leaders about something that happens at work. Perhaps we blame society or fate for an external crisis or dilemma we find ourselves in. The fact is blaming doesn’t work. It keeps us in a negative cycle and prevents us from taking action.

Blame prevents happiness

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Finding time with mindfulness

Practicing mindful awareness helps me find time to do the things I love.

I recently listened to an impactful podcast with Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul. Episode 3 is titled Giving Meaning to the Time Between Your Birth and Death. It starts with a reminder of the simple fact that you were born and you are going to die. It’s a truth that we sometimes avoid but we shouldn’t. He suggests a basic question to pose to ourselves: What are you doing in between the time that you were born and the time you die?

It’s precious time that was given to you. It’s YOUR time. Not your spouses, your kids or your company’s. It’s your time. How are you spending the time you have on this Earth between your birth and your death?

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How a powerful, simple question changed my life

A few years ago, I learned the power of a simple, well-placed question when combined with an honest response. It can quite literally change a life.

As a bank regulator, I ask questions for a living. We query bank leaders – senior management and Board members – about the business to understand and explore its safety and soundness. I know how powerful questions can be. Questions can create an opportunity to get at the root of a problem. What I didn’t realize was how powerful one simple question would be in my own personal life.

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The Power of a Dream: One Step at a Time

Have you ever had a powerful dream? A recent dream reminded me that all I can do is live life one step at a time.

The Dream

In the dream, I was on vacation in Italy. Even though the coronavirus is running rampant, I flew halfway around the world. I was with an older woman, also named Barb, and her grandson.

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The Good Place – a show that gives perspective to life

We found a fun, family show that addresses my favourite topic – happiness. We are always trying to find great TV shows that we can watch together as a family. With two boys (13 and 10 yrs old), along with my husband and I, it is always a challenge to find something we all enjoy. My husband would prefer something sci fi, I like dramas, and the boys favour superheroes. While together my husband and I might choose shows like Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad, these just aren’t appropriate for the kids.

Invariably we land on a comedy series. Throughout the pandemic we have been thoroughly entertained by The Office, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Kim’s Convenience, and most recently, The Good Place.

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